Journal 01/08/2020 - Teetering on the Edge
I need to make an important life decision - do I take this job or not? I am terrible at making decisions. There are so many different ways things can go...
It seems obvious I should take it, but it just doesn't "feel" right. It "feels" like when I accepted my last permanent position:
I keep rationalizing to myself that I need to take it because it's the best choice for me
But, is it really the best choice?
Last time I knew there was a bully-environment when I accepted the job. I thought that the benefits outweighed the bullies. But, after working there for 51 weeks, I couldn't tolerate it anymore and quit.
Then I struggled through the summer barely making ends meet - all my fault, I might add.
Now, I am here, sitting in a very similar bully-environment, wondering if I should try going it alone again, or if I should try for a year at this job, too. At least, while I am working for someone else, I am making some money.
Or the problem could very well work itself out tomorrow.
Either way, I am in control of myself and how I handle it.